Questioning
Questioning oneself is not about going "does this feel right? - oh yeah - fine, then it must be true!". You have to ponder over why it feels or doesn't feel right. You have to know why you think and feel a certain way. Questioning is more than asking a question and replying. It's tearing your guts out, looking what's in no matter the pain, and putting it back once you got an answer - and it may leave scars: you may not stay the same as you'll have grown from that. Questioning one's self is about blunt, sometimes painful honesty. [Note: people on boards will question you, especially if you haven't before - it often degenerates into grilling more than helping.] Though sometimes a kick in the butt is necessary, no matter if it's others', yours or life's boot. Remember: be frank. Be honest. Be blunt. Don't take the easy way, admit your weaknesses, and try to see what comes from the reality of things once you stop denying it.
So. You somehow found out about the concept of "therianthropy" and this animal-thing sounds familiar to you. You feel you are an animal, you think you may be an animal, or you don't know at all for the moment, and you want to explore the possibility. This should be one of the first thing you should ponder about: do you think you may be an animal because you've experienced certain animal things for years, or do you think you may be an animal because some of those "therians" sound like you? Warning: if you haven't felt animal before finding out about the T-word, chances are that you aren't one. One does not start being animal inside that way one day or it most likely is wishful thinking and mimicking. Even though you've just discovered the word "therianthropy", you already have years (if not your whole life) of experience on feeling animal inside. Probably you had no word for this but that's not different: you are the same before and after you discover about the concept of "therianthropy". If you start experiencing all kinds of things such as shifts, you should seriously question yourself and the validity of what you feel, and find out why all of this never happened before. Usually things calm down once you've come to an understanding of what you are, not the other way around.
So, what is being animal inside? "Feeling animalish" is not enough, nor is "having primal instincts". We all have those as humans, and you're human too. Humans are animals and they're not different when it comes to primal instincts. Fear, hunger, the need to socialize or lack of thereof are perfectly normal feelings that humans experience just like other animals. Being a social misfit of having a certain diet does not make you animal. Look at what sounds like clues of your animalness and try to see if non-therians also experience such things. Don't like crowds? Wanna eat meat? Wanna run or exercise or fly? There are various reasons for why a non-therians could experience such things. You feel animal and you are sure it's unrelated to your normal, human instincts? Well there still are many other possibilities. You can have a bond to certain animals without being one. Such connection might result in you integrating certain traits of X animal - but that does not mean it's therianthropic. It's not better or worse, but it's just not therianthropy. You may have a totem and integrate some of its aspects the same way; that's still not therianthropy. There is no thing such as a list of "symptoms" of therianthropy, so you'll have to dig for the answers yourself.
If you feel animal inside, then it has manifested itself, as I said. The way it does may indicate what animal you are - even if it's a mere feeling inside. Since most of us aren't legged encyclopedias, you have to *gasp* research on different species, again, so you don't miss anything due to an unfortunate ignorance. Warning: researching on animal species does not mean going on boards, describing your behavior, and asking out what could you possibly be. Nor it is just trying to see which animal matches you the best, this is very superficial. Speaking of that, I can think of several types of interpretations: the "physical" one ("I'm big and hairy so I must be a bear") is completely silly as therianthropy has nothing to do with what you look like; period. The stereotypical one is based on, well, stereotypes humans associate with animals ("lions are noble and brave, wolves are loyal and friendly, felines are mysterious and arrogant", etc). Of course you can be fox and sly, but you can also be sly and deer, or non-therian and sly. That's unrelated, plus those stereotypes often are far from the reality of said animal, not to mention that applying human concepts such as courage (or many others) to animals makes no sense and does not work. Then you have erroneous or innacurate interpretations such as "wolves must be social" and "raven people are bookish". Well, from what I know wolves aren't that friendly to anyone outside their own pack; and maybe ravens are curious, and this translate to being knowledge-thirsty or "bookish" for certain raven people. In any case, not all raven people are necessarily like that, you can't say ravens are "bookish", and there are wolf people who are loners. Being wise does not make you raven just like being solitary and blunt does not make you feline.
You not only have to find out about the things you relate to your animal(s), you also then have to see what makes it different (or similar) to other species. Why tiger and not sand cat? Why wolf and not dhole? Why deer and not springbok, hippopotamus, octopus or butterfly? If you aren't able to tell why you feel you are said animal, how can you say you are that? If you don't question yourself you will never know that what you thought, felt was your guts, was in fact wishful feelings and delusions. You may very well be missing your true animalself - if you're an animal person, and that's not sure yet. People often relate therianthropy to all kinds of things that don't connect with it. Feeling different and/or lonely does not make you a therian, not your taste for mear or climbing trees or tendency to relate to your friends in a "pack" way does. If people have nothing else to mention as experience of their animal, that means they don't really have therian experiences, thus they most likely are non-therians.
To sum up a few questions you can ponder about, here is a non-exhaustive list I had originally posted on the 2003-2005 pre-crash version of the Werelist:
- What is being an animal person about? What makes you an animal person? How does this differs from others' experience?
- What evidence do you have that you're animal inside as opposed to having a spirit guide/totem or another kind of connection to that animal?
- Why do you believe this, what are the logical arguments that make it possible/impossible?
- What if you deny it? Is there anything that would invalidate it?
- How can you make sure you stay skeptical and unbiased no matter how such things sound pleasing to you?
- What are the things you relate to your animalness? Can such things be related to something else, is it something non-therians can experience?
- What is being your animal, what is it like?
- What makes you this animal, specifically, over some other species? What makes it different?
- How important this things are to you? Which place do they take in your life?
I would prefer not having to post such lists, because many people will go over the questions and points I adressed in the whole questioning section, and will only stick to that list, which is a bad idea. However, since I also think some people need to have things pointed to them that clearly, I'm leaving it that way for the moment.
So, really, you think you are [insert your animalself here]? As we've seen earlier, if you're an animal, you have been at least most of your life (unless shit happened after some traumatic experience but that's rare, if existing at all). Now you have put some thoughts into it, you probably have things to say on the subject. What is being your animal? What makes it different from other animals? How do you see life and things from this point of view? If you can't answers any of those questions then you may want to put more thoughts into your "therianthropy". I have yet to encounter a real cat who does not know what "cat" is like and feels like. Okay, all the serious kitties I can think of are self-aware to varying degrees, but knowing your animalself is not a superkitty ability; you should know. If you don't it's okay, but you should introspect and ponder on that before going any further.
Sometimes people will tell you to stop questioning to "let be". Right; sometimes taking a break is necessary. However, sitting around and doing nothing won't make answers magically appear. Taking a break and "letting be" aren't the same. The former is about breathing between two sessions of questioning so you keep your mind clear. The latter is just about "being", often hoping something occurs to help you finding out, and often nothing special happens. What is important is to sometimes step back from analyzing, from trying to make sense of details, and just experience the animal naturally so you can look at it and analyze it better later. If you try to make an interpretation of something while you're confused, you'll mistake and will end up even more confused. So when nothing else works, go out for a walk or lay down and relax; and stop thinking. Just be. Don't let any confusion distract you and stay away from therian boards.
"Staying away from the community and its influences" should also be done while self-questioning. You're supposed to have researched on therianthropy before, you don't need hordes of newbies babbling pointless theories and terminology rubbish things to find out what you are. Staying away from all of this means cutting you off completely from forums, sites, and anything that's currently debated and could influence your judgment when you're in a "doubt crisis", lost and confused. Withdraw a few weeks or months, and come back later. Alternate questioning sessions with little breaks the way you prefer so you get answers without being too overwhelmed by therian-related ponderings. In order to keep your mind clear, meditation can be an useful tool.